In news of our strange times, a young man (who will be named as information comes to hand) has been sentenced to a year of community service for "receiving stolen goods". His actions? Eating a slice of pizza his friends had stolen. Put on a pedestal by Channel 7 "News" as the poster boy for the Unfairly Exampled, people should look to this hunger slave as a role model for everything that should not be.
Had he ignored his intestinal cravings, he would not be party to the crime he didn't commit. Tubby foodbag-greasefreaks are the product of a society weakened by poor diet and commercial attitude to appetite. A better diet would have also saved him from this punishment most foul.
Who do we blame now? The parents? The Pizza Store? His friends? Fatties don't need peer pressure to eat a slice. It's time to swallow pride as though it were covered in cheese and crammed into his gaping maw.
Stay tuned for updates.
Written on Tuesday, 17 June 2003