The Wax Conspiracy

Crumpet craving causes chaotic cringing

A Woolworths in Sydney's South was yesterday barricaded off while emergency operators had to dig a child and an elderly woman from under a pile of crumpets. Investigators have deduced that the accident occurred when the woman tried to take advantage of a week-long special on that particular product.

However, upon grasping a crumpet towards the bottom of the pile, she appears to have upset the entire display, bringing it crashing down on top of them both. The unfortunate pair were then carried out of the store after 20 minutes of solid digging and taken to a nearby hospital for closer examination of their injuries.

"It was horrible. Their cries were muffled and then they disappeard under a sea of them", one witness said.

Police are still investigating the bakery department of the store, but have cleared them of any wrongdoing, as it was not they who made the display initially. Police have now begun a hunt for a merchandiser who witnesses have described as both "shaky and elusive". The display has since been removed.

Jimmy Weasel

Written on Monday, 7 July 2003

The Wax Conspiracy


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