The Wax Conspiracy

Questionable McDonald's Board Promote Corporate Clown

The corporate board of McDonald's have promoted a clown as their new Chief Happiness Officer. That clown is 40-year-old Ronald McDonald.

First appearing way back in 1963, Ronald was a marketing gimmick created by Willard Scott in an effort to jack some magic into the new world of fast food restaurants. In his first ever starring role he was seen eating from a magic pile of never ending cheeseburgers. A sign of things that were to come.

Over the years, with a slight alteration in costume and despite signing on nefarious individuals such as a seriously overweight purple monster giddy from snacking (Grimace) and a wily thief (the Hamburglar) Ronald has managed to remain the face of the global chain.

"I'm delighted with this recognition, but where's my corner office?" Ronald McDonald said. "I'm lovin' it, not only my new title, but the opportunity to expand my role to keep doing what I love—making people laugh, providing a helping hand, and most importantly, being happy."

Reporting directly to CEO Jim Cantalupo, Ronald will continue invading and homogenising local menus in new countries as part of his worldwide goodwill program.

The fact that he is a fictional creation doesn't worry the board. Especially considering his previous endeavours such as running a charity house where the sick pay their own way have proved so successful.

Ethan Switch

Written on Friday, 29 August 2003

The Wax Conspiracy



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