The Wax Conspiracy

Sunsets beckon 35 on the Christmas 2023 holiday road toll

Yes, somehow we’re at the end of 2023 breaching into 2024. After all the years have gone, where else are we going to wander now that the collective have taken a huge squat of numbers. Take a brew and boil off 35, out of lights during the Christmas 2023 and New Year’s amid steaming piles of metal.

From nowhere to top of the pops, Western Australia clocked out eight (8) bodies. Not a good time to head into the sunset with half their numbers bound for the heat of the west, never to look back. From hitting a tree to an intersection, off a roundabout and waiting at the servo in Denmark, it was a cardinal bias to render them obsolete.

From third place last year to equal second this round, Victoria shares the road no more with eight (8) off the greens into black and char. Out of the books they clocked in half "run off a straight road", whatever orientation that means. And let's not put down their attempts at going all the way to the top. During Operation Roadwise one can was packed to the gills where,

Police found the front-seat passenger had someone sitting on their lap, while the three back seat passengers had two others sitting on their laps as well, all without seatbelts

You can't always cash-in on stupid.

Pipping up a spot, South Australia mangled six (6) for the period to claim third on the smouldering ashes. Operation Safe Holiday was not entirely road-bound. In a gamble between the immoveable mass of a freight train and a road train, it was the latter to walk away. Off the land, closer to the waters, a shark attack was noted, but doesn't qualify as much as a train does.

Falling down to fourth, New South Wales with five (5) during the matter-of-fact Operation Christmas/New Year 2023. You have to work the numbers, one at a time. One car a day, until you end up with a bloom and go gang-busters with a five-vehicle crash in Wallerawang on the Great Western Highway. But we can't always throw it in big as that clash and wreckage only took two away from the table.

Equal fourth, down from first place last year, Queensland also netted five (5) during the period. In basically all of their write-ups each report kicks off with "left the road(way)" during Operation Mistletoe. Maybe it's being in the middle of the pack, but the age distribution looks like they were going for extra credit only to get graded on a curve where the drivers could not keep on track. From an 18-year-old Toolooa man up to a 27-year-old in a motorbike crash in Ashgrove to a 70-year-old Trebonne man back down to a 52-year-old Tannum Sands motorbiker rounding the base with a 20-year-old Bony Mountain woman.

In sixth place, Tasmania has two (2) to show. It ain't all smørrebrød and oysters combing tabloids of Princess-to-be-Queen Mary during Operation Safe Arrival. Not if you're on a motorbike. Or perhaps, if you are, make sure you're the pillion as both scenes with headlights dangling off by a burnt wire saw the rider bear the brunt of the burnt.

Down two from last year, the Northern Territory sneaks under the bar with one (1) for the festivities. Of all the knocks, a hit and run still counts. Even if no one sticks around to see what the commotion is all about.

They all left and what's left is the ACT, none on their tanks. Floating by with a chance at something, but nothing. Steady as they go, still holding on warm to the bottom of the plate. Not like they didn't try a little too early.

The embers die down like the languages and dialects we run away from. Fade away into the night from the scorched roads between 00:00 Friday 22 December 2023 and 23:59 Monday 1 January 2024. You can never stop smelling the melt on the bitumen, not when the solipsistic careen in those three seconds between fatigue and doomscrolling.

Ethan Switch

Written on Saturday, 6 January 2024

The Wax Conspiracy



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