Breaking through a cellar door in outer-inner west-eastern Sydney, authorities were shocked to discover no apparent beauty in the shattered egress.
Alarmed by the sudden presence of uniforms, members of the backyard fighting outfit running at the time threw themselves and their gladiatorial axolotls sideways into the walls.
Fishing for answers, the uniformed men hastily added orange-tinted salt to the room. Covering the walls and floors with the sodium chloride, they then proceeded to sweep for ants.
No spiders were found in the rafters.
Written on Tuesday, 2 August 2005