Kitchen Antics: The Schnitzel to Fear

People have often said "Why mess with schnitzel? Bavarian cuisine doesn't need your sticky fingers messing it about."

It's this kind of attitude that will prevent progress occurring and leave you feeling hollow with every bite. The idea came to me in dream form. "Jimmy," it hissed, "you know what? I could really go with some schnitzel right about now..but it would taste better if you didn't use breadcrumbs."

"What should I use then?" I enquired, hoping not to think for myself.

But the voice piped down and obviously hadn't thought that far ahead.
Naturally, the only option was to use Mexicana Doritos to coat the meat.

After a brief survey, it was found that 50% of people harassed said the idea was crazy. The other half said it was genius. As a result, the recipe is ready for the world to share and enjoy.

What you'll need

• 3/4 cup plain flour
• 2 eggs
• 100g Mexicana Doritos (any flavour cornchips will do, but it'll need to be something with a strong flavour. Plain Doritos will make the coating taste like popcorn, which isn't a bad thing. Unless you're looking for some serious taste.)
• 2 chicken breasts (sans bones)
• olive oil
• non-stick frying pan
• special music to avoid a quiet kitchen

What you do

Put all the cornchips into a bag, and crush into tiny crumbs with a heavy rolling pin. Then put them into a bowl. Make sure they're completely crushed, or they won't be as good.

Whisk the eggs thoroughly in another bowl.

Put the flour into yet another bowl.

Heat about 1.5cm of olive oil in a frying pan in a medium to high heat.

Cut the chicken into thin strips—the thinner the chicken, the quicker it will take to cook. Take the chicken and coat it in the flour.
Then take it from the flour and coat them well in the beaten egg.

Now put it into the bowl of crushed cornchips and make sure they're completely coated.

Drop the chicken into the frying pan (once it's really hot, of course) and cook each side until the crumbs have turn a golden brown/orange colour.

Drain the cooked strips of their excess oil on some paper towel prior to serving, or people will whine to you about their arteries or some nonsense.

Serve & eat

How you present is up to you, but with a fried meat such as this, boiled vegetables are always a nice contrast. Or you can cram the chicken into some pita bread with salad.

Make your own destiny, you filthy epicures!

Published on Thursday, 18 November 2004