Funland At The Beach

Belvedere Jehosophat - Sunday, 29 June 2003 - 17:27:54 - print it raw

Confusion was rife on a suburban train late last night when two old ladies were overheard discussing the why's and wherefore's of the mass-murderer mindset. The conversation was sparked by the news of a killer who had recently terrorized a major metropolitan city in the United States.

Apparently, one of the ladies had heard a report about an assassin known as the Deadly Porch Killer who, in a night of terror, had killed 12 and injured 45.

In the course of the conversation the history of several serial killers and mass murderers were brought up, discussed, and put to rights; a catharsis of sorts. Many were mentioned; Dahmer, Bundy, Berkowitz, Manson, even local boy, Martin Bryant.

The initial search for any reports on this killer was unsuccessful; there was no mention, anywhere, of a Deadly Porch Killer. However, upon further investigation the real story behind these deaths was uncovered.

It wasn't a killer on a deadly rampage that had occasioned the deaths, but, rather, an unfortunate accident involving the collapse of a porch.