Not more than a few twisted moments of navigation away and around the floors of the Sydney Tower—once known as the AMP Tower and the Centrepoint Tower—the Pretzel World food court people have found a rather economical solution to the problem of stray and unwanted dogs. Positioned erratically and with no regard for the sellers of The Big Issue, Pretzel World workers are doling out coupons which aren't coupons but more like that of flyers, if flyers were without scrupulous people working to use every single space of paper before them.
Shined to a high sheen gloss and soaking up but the toughest of oil stains from foreheads dripping with combination skin tones the throwaway from Pretzel World proclaims: American Dog & Drink for $4.90 followed in small print riding the bottom margin:
INCLUDES: 1 American dog & sauce, 1 regular drink or coffee of your choice. Upsize for only .40c
The accompanying graphic features a pile of pastry wrapped frankfurts and the adjacent mascot to the Pretzel World people holding an orb painted with the world. The pastry looks slightly roasted and for all intents and purposes resembles that of the emerging erection of a canine's penis. To close the graphic, the pastry is ribbed to look like any variety of a condom preference.
Never mind the fact that an upsize costs less than is physically possible with conventional coinage. What should be of concern is the claim that they are using one American dog for each meal. One such Native American canine is the Hakata We, bred back from the edge of extinction by Majestic View - the Pretzel World people are gunning for the brink to be brought closer to the breeding kennels. They could be using any part of the dog unless they were falsely advertising their goods.
Written on Friday, 30 May 2003