Within the ranks of the Australian Labor Party, premature ejaculator Kim Beazley and his merry band of fluffers and scrubbers are oiling themselves. Their fervent lubing follows the news that their once incumbent and taxi driver bashing leader, Mark Latham, has chosen to step down from his post. With all sides of the coin turning faster than the night on a binge of garlic sauce scrapped from the backside, the now ex-Labor leader has also chosen to throw in the towel for his local seat of Werriwa.
Taking to point days of uncertainty over his health and state of power, it came as no surprise to those waiting with daggers in the wings. Their loss of party enthusiasm sheltered and shunted toward the incapacitated Latham. It was his marked absence in the outpouring and deep throating of the recent tsunami incident—widely considered to be an international disaster for tourism—that led to the caucus members rolling out the spit.
Once reserved for the many indecisive turns of Beazley, it's hoped that Latham's tenderised back will cook fast and under a nice healthy coat of gravy.
Firing the tactic of ailing health issues as a boost for public and party support has backfired. The lessons learnt here are being taught over on the side of the Liberal party. Elementary lesions in the media are following the path of Prime Minister Howard on his dance around the diseased. Wife Janet taking one for the team—visiting a hospital under "mysterious" and undisclosed circumstances—making all the right moves to ensure her husband is seen as sympathetic and not just pathetic.
Latham had the right idea. Sadly, he chose the wrong patient.
Written on Tuesday, 18 January 2005