The Wax Conspiracy

Darth Vader slips off the sidewalk without a sidearm

Ejected from the bowels of the thronging hordes out for a cheap night of movies, rustling foil and mobile phone messages, a lone man walks the city streets. Draped in the garb of Darth Vader of the George Lucas Star Wars films, the man was seen counting the minutes as each step taken netted him closer to finding nothing of a solution to his predicament.

Casting aspersions on wayward drunkards stumbling from a nearby establishment, the man in the Darth Vader costume stood alongside several homeless placards, each praying for their sweet mother Mary to deliver an exit. Holding guard for their receipts as each of the homeless went on a break, the cloaked figure daringly made off with the scant haul of coins on each mat.

Returning minutes later with a steaming beverage, the man in the Vader costume proceeded to wait with the masses lining up. With the premiere of Revenge of the Sith having passed long, long ago and the season well and truly trumped by the onslaught of comicbook films such as Batman Begins, Fantastic Four and Sin City, his reasons for standing in line at the doorstops used as toilets by many of the homeless remains uncertain.

Registering the cloaked figure in their midst, and having discussed their outrage at his callous acts mere moments before, the wavering line of homeless launched into serving their own no name brand of street justice on the individual.

There were no cries as the helmet was cracked and as the cape was torn to shreds. Mere silence and a stunned awe were audience as the cloaked figure was pummelled into the ground and out of existence.

No blood ran toward the drains.

Ethan Switch

Written on Tuesday, 12 July 2005

The Wax Conspiracy

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