The Wax Conspiracy

Oral Pleasure Unlimited

Power Rangers Samurai Pasta with Special Edition box

Branded foods like Power Rangers Samurai pasta really digs into the play acting part. Your fleshy character is the big bad of the episode as you chomp down the heads of the Power Rangers. The scale of your teeth against their helmets seems about right. They're powerless, silently screaming on your plate as you defeat those pesky Rangers once and for all.

Sweet Mother crank juice

Makes for a low buzz alternative to running the head under a stream of cold recycled water this Mother does. Fits in the hand like the others on the market, them being V and Red Bull. To that end, is as easy a projectile to launch from the comfort of the side pocket of jeans or even a jacket. Yet, it's not the drink type to suit up a jolt of jazz in such quick order.

Masterfoods Thai Seasoning - The Curious Sample meets the Potato

"Nice Evening, innit?" I mused to the lady at the checkout, not expecting a response.

Spreading Sweetness into Cavities of Depravity: Mr Fluffy's Marshmallow Fluff (fat free!)

This jar cost me $3.99. Dental work can host hundreds. Does it balance out? Can one lead to the other? We are getting ahead of ourselves...

Sentimental (White Feathers)

I've always stated that I'll know that I've made it in life when I own an argyle fez. However, getting fez makers and argyle manufacturers in the same room has been difficult. Conjuring the synergies between the requisite — though, unfortunately, often antagonistic — parties that will allow for the creation of my argyle fez, has been damn near impossible.

Obscure Liquor: Baron's Coco Mapoka

It's hard to know what a dark liquid will taste like just by looking at it. But it's easy to tell what will knock you sideways.

Elixir Is Zoglo

I've often considered my life to be a testament to futility and I've always attempted to offset this galling state of affairs by eating creative and often unhealthy foods.

I would like some guacamole on my chimichanga with a casadia of tomato, onion, and vegetables

Being that I have a somewhat spontaneous personality it is not on rare occasions that I do things that could later be described as foolish or idiotic. In fact, I often do things not because I want to but because I've never done them before. Case in point: paying $50 to go watch Slipknot. What the fuck was I thinking?

Honey - Purity at a Premium

For those of you who watch quality television you may recall an episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation that included a once New York police cop walking around in Miami looking at the hard evidence. A major crux of the story was bogged in of all things honey. It was a high quality, beyond the top of the shelf type of honey. The kind of honey only the naked skin should even allow to move all over like a well-choreographed hand in a sex scene. To be smothered in anything else would be a debasement for all concerned. If honey of the highest quality is being snubbed, then the whole sexual food experience is not worth exploring with a tongue.

Today's Lubricant: A World of Flavour

The Internet tells me that to properly taste wine, the important points are to look, smell and then taste. Also, one is to check the "rim" of the glass to look for age of the wine, and to swirl the glass to find the body of the wine.

Oriloff Vodka

It's a difficult thing to review vodka. The first sample is difficult to assess as the stomach churns and the oesophagus wails in horror. The second sample is more easily accepted by the internal workings and much of what I remember is from the second shot. And since I'm a cheap drunk, once those first two are down, the rest is blur of madness and savage reflux.

Oral B Sensitive With Fluoride

If it so happens that you miss out on a regular dose of sleep for some nights, maybe a couple of weeks, you may catch the sight of a receding gum line. Unlike the near cousin of the hairline - known for such members as the deep channels, the inlet and the friar tuck - you will be in more physical pain than social.
The Wax Conspiracy