The Wax Conspiracy

Oriloff Vodka

It's a difficult thing to review vodka. The first sample is difficult to assess as the stomach churns and the oesophagus wails in horror. The second sample is more easily accepted by the internal workings and much of what I remember is from the second shot. And since I'm a cheap drunk, once those first two are down, the rest is blur of madness and savage reflux.

So it's best to keep a notebook handy when reviewing vodka. Looking back on notes can bring back the memories and fill in the gaps of an evening. Also, there's something there to mop up spills, hide stains and start fires.

People look for different things when they look for vodka. Some look for a brand that they've come to enjoy over the years. Others look for a region of production on the label. I look for "Sale - save $$$" on the label. I bought this bad mammajamma for $19.99. That's 750mls of wretchedly ugly and nasty vodka. It didn't taste anything like the vodka produced by other brands, and it burnt more.

There was something about the taste that made it weird. Maybe it was paint-stripper; but I can't be sure, because I haven't had paint-stripper recently, and I really couldn't taste it through the coke. Mr Belvedere (with fearless intestinal tract) agreed with me, and best sums it up in saying "it tastes like... water with scorpions!"

This vodka is very strong, and I wouldn't recommend it straight until a few other drinks have been consumed and it's not so much the flavour you're after so much as the state of total internal and mental destruction. Currently the bottle is staring at me - daring me to finish it. I lack the courage. If tasting bad and causing pain was a race and the loser was agreed to be the worst, then Oriloff is by far the worst in that particular metaphor. It ruins perfectly good mixer, smells odd, and eats through glass.

Jimmy Weasel

Reviewed on Wednesday, 22 May 2002

The Wax Conspiracy




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