The Wax Conspiracy

did you see me?

Jargonise (jär g -n z ) v. A portmanteau word, blending jargon and agonise: used to describe the process by which a person can bitch about their lives in an increasingly opaque way, usually with reference to the existentialist philosophers and playwrights, in particular Camus, Beckett, Sartre, Pinter, etc.

In the past, the only way to treat people with this irritating disorder was to subject them to electroshock treatment: strap electrodes to the medulla and the rosebud – and the nutsack, if they had them – and burn that dial out with a creme brulee torch. But then they changed the name from electroshock treatment to electroconvulsive therapy, and the process lost all efficacy.

How to deal with these reality dissidents, who collate every experiential event like a demented spermologer, stick them to the wall with little insect mounting pins and stare at them completely perplexed as if they were seeing them for the first time every time?

It really is another type of anterograde amnesia, instigated by shy, indecisive buffoons who are too scared to live but not so overly fond of dying that they’re willing to give that a go. Hence, the existentialist claptrap.

So, where did we last leave our hero? Toes dangling over the edge, ready to take a plunge.

Hey, ma, did you see me?

Belvedere Jehosophat

Written on Tuesday, 2 July 2013

The Wax Conspiracy

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