The Wax Conspiracy

Aporkalypse coughs up bacon lung, hammers pig meal eatin'

For the love of pork barreling piggy production, feasters of meat be a fickle, fear-worthy group. Thousands and hundreds strong mighty jaw line ready to shift the dinner plates from the other white meat on a scare. On WHO's advice anyway?

Weeks now of fluctuating scare headlines, the H1N1 virus (playing all the hits of the swine flu back catalogue) continues trickling away at its phase 5 of 6 designation by the body WHO.

Another day, another note and another hope for the drop off from the influenza. Ordering the entrée of hamdemic portions from a Mexican locale, the global spread of black pudding casting a shadow on bacon, ham and pork recipes.

Theory of a laboratory birthing of smallpork flying out the window as the H1N1 world tour continues apace, now making appearances in at least 33 countries. Each one gathering support from fright mites sticking to clear their forks and gullets of downing more pig-made meat chunkiness.

Propping up stocks and coffers of Tamiflu proving a juicy cut of gammon for the Zionist conspirators to salivate over. Antiviral drug clearing house of old stock in line with a rush of flu to the head and one hand in the hip pocket.

But not as great and subtle the attack of pork that protectionism and a distaste of free and unequal trade affords.

As late as November of 2008, the state of edible pigs oinking up waves of prices and flooring local production points. A ripple to shrinking the pool of homegrown farmers, forcing them to flee the ham-fisted industry. Parallel imports from cushioned rivals adding to the woes of the local plumpers.

"...There was a huge surge of imports coming from North America and Europe, mainly from subsidised countries and that meant there was no market for the Australian product if prices went way down about this time last year," Australian Pork Limited CEO Andrew Spencer.

Six months later and world points erratic fingerpaints to all manner of pig loving interaction. Though is it enough to level out the cost of porking?

Back the minds to the leaf-eaters and their plans to convert the world order food chain.

Campaigns and threats over the years to besmirch the good nosh of fish (cryptosporidium and giardia water flavouring experiment of 98), beef (mad cow disease) and poultry (avian flu) colluding the ranks of a more herbivorian society. Of meat eaters less and natural conservatives all. Sheep.

Facing years still away from public consumption of soylent green, the few remaining options for the carnivorous among us include the bouncy tale prospects of Roo meat. But even Skippy reads the news and the blood on the dance floor. A recent suicidal attempt by one of his macropod brethren fails to escape its dinner plate date. No thanks to human intervention bent on a potential dietary adaptation.

11 June 2009

Following some spotty spots of spot infestations of the infections cropping up to the top and Down Under, WHO tips the slide rule to declare pandemic status on the swine flu.

19 June 2009

Pigging out just over a week later, an Aboriginal man falls down as Australia's first confirmed swine-flu related death. Who knows if he'll also be statuefied in his honour of capping off as the first on the big brown land.

Ethan Switch

Written on Friday, 15 May 2009

The Wax Conspiracy


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