The Wax Conspiracy

Dirt Bikes, Drones and Other Ways to Fly by Conrad Wesselhoeft

Arlo never quite comes out and says that he has no idea what's going to happen after all this, and that's one of the few subtle moves that exist in pages after pages of using drones to take photos.

It shares the underlying conceit of The Last Starfighter except here the alien plight is the United States Air Force putting those video game skills to good use, like Buster Bluth in Arrested Development season Netflix. Things are off the charts straight after the best of the best fighter pilots and gunners are bested by a kid still doing homework.

Essentially it's a program to groom child soldiers of the modern age. One where they can take down the enemy without having to set foot on the same dirt path, sweating out their adolescence as they put a bullet through each other's eyes. Plucking souls to crush from the most unlikely of places. High scores on arcade machines. Because really, where do these things still exist?

Rubbing one out and watching a dog hump anything that moves (and things that don't) is about the extent of the fun light times in the book. Which is to say hints about doffing one off or burning a crotch piece aren't the only times you'll laugh, but it's a stretch. The focus is rather on the angst and desolate feelings of Arlo growing up suddenly without a mother, a sister with severe medical issues, and a dad who looks like he's on the sauce, and looking for something to fill in those empty days.

The pages coat your tongue in a fine dusty air from rural New Mexico. A drab sounding place where the oft-repeated refrain of that Drone Pilot intro, "Yea, though I fly through the valley of the shadow..." (which gets annoying after the eighth time it shows up) is a constant reminder of how many times this kid wants to lose himself and just zone out.

"Once upon a time," Dad says, jerking open the door and shoving Guapo to the passenger side, "my name in this town was not associated with dog shit."

Wesselhoeft writes with a teen tongue that doesn't sound forced, and allows you to revel in the insecurities and distractions as you remember them back in the day of seeing the edge of the world just drop off after high school. If you survive that long.

Lee Fields, up close, isn't all that scary. Or perfect. There's a strawberry welt on her neck. Damn, does she have a boyfriend already? But those pink Pumas. Not a smudge or speck of dirt. How can anybody keep their shoes that clean?

With a family that provides at times sarcastic support, and doing so as fleshed out characters, Arlo has few solid groundings and his voice wavers outside his two main passions. It's when he's in the seat of the dirt bike or the drone pilot game that he comes into this cockiness, a suredness that hides away the rest when engaged.

It's not clear if Arlo knows what he wants to do with his life, and the writing carries that unknowing, but feeding with it glimpses of possible after-school paths. None of which are set in stone and that's how it is when you're at that age.

Wandering about in the headspace of a teen is what Dirt Bikes, Drones and Other Ways to Fly does well and continues a straight wayward apace throughout.

The publisher, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, provided a review copy.

Ethan Switch

Reviewed on Friday, 9 May 2014

The Wax Conspiracy

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