Testicle Mouse

Alex Yamakazi - Tuesday, 25 March 2003 - Print The Wax

Natural Selection – the survival of the fittest…mother nature’s method of ensuring that only the strong survive to perpetuate the species. It seems to be a concept that year 9 science students can grasp. It also seems to be a concept that the government and the great minds of science and medicine struggle with!!!

Governments pay illiterate, mouth-breathing single mothers to be the brood mares of our society, spawning generation after generation of mutated inbreds in the fast developing suburban wastelands. Our scientists and doctors go to absurd lengths to ensure that the weak survive to pass their defects on to their increasingly mutated offspring. Which brings us to the subject of this rant. No kiddies it’s not the Aryan race. (although it certainly WAS starting to sound that way for a while there) No, today (as lord of MY world) I choose to rant about sciences current pinnacle of human achievement.

It seems that certain individuals and species are unable to produce sufficient quantities of sperm to ensure the continued survival of their bloodlines… let these weaker lines die out so that only the strong survive? HELL NO! The mutant left hand of science couldn’t possibly let THAT happen.

And why should a species or individual produce their own sperm anyway? Why indeed when you can have your very own TESTICLE MOUSE™ to make sperm for you?
On an island… shaped like a skull, manned by hyper intelligent models in brief brief shiny silver futuristic outfits (ok I made that up but the rest is TRUE) scientists have discovered that by implanting testicular tissue into the backs of hairless mice they are able to create a creature which surely represents the pinnacle of human achievement. Move over the 5 assed monkey we now have TESTICLE MOUSE™.

Not only is TESTICLE MOUSE™ able to host testes of different species, but up to 8 different testicles can be grown per mouse. These testicles are functional and able to produce motile sperm.

Tissue rejection and the insurance of genetic purity are the obstacles the scientists faced when embarking upon this project but what of the mice? Imagine the stress of protecting not 2 but 8 testicles.The sheer testosterone of it!!!! A mouse society built around football, porno….. books about war…. Now survival in that society would take a truly fit mouse… which makes this concept all the more wrong… because the fit mouse genes are never used.The fit mice serve only to be the hosts for the gonads of whatever inferior sexually imparted creature the scientist chooses to implant into them. OH THE MOUSEMANITY.

Not only that, there is no satisfaction for these brave whiskered scamperers!! The sperm is extracted from the implanted testes by syringe and not by the spurting joyfest that Mother nature intended.

Not to mention the whole Jurassic park factor. The potential for the corruption of genetic material not to mention the interspecies exchange of bacterium and viruses.

Perhaps just perhaps some people and animals are just not meant to breed? Take a look around next time you go to the supermarket and judge for yourself.