Numerical Designation

Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 17 April 2002 - Print The Wax

If you've been lucky enough to live this long of a life then you will in no doubt have been bombarded from every angle and aspect with numbers. These simple nine digits can be rearranged in many various forms to reflect any and many situations; your phone number, the amount of sexual partners you've encountered, the viruses you've caught, the doctor's bill and so on...

Many glossy magazines fill up space with hokey examinations of your fate or personality based on your date of birth or a numerical designation. Would you like to pass some time?

Okay, here's how you work out what number you are: Get the year you were born in, the number of your residence, your height (in centimetres) and the date number this article is being read and sum up all the numbers, then again and again until you're left with one single digit.

For those finding it hard, here's an example of someone who was born in 1981. They live at 31 Elderon Road, roughly 1.75 metres tall and this article is being read on the 5th of Rocktober.
1+9+8+1 + 3+1 + 1+7+5 + 5
=> 1+9 + 4 + 1+3 + 5
=> 1+0 + 4 + 4 + 5
=> 1+4 = 5

His numerical designation would be 5.

Here's the explanation of the numbers.

1
You are decisive and bold. You know what you want and you go for it. You don't and won't let anyone get in your path. That is why no one likes you. They despise you; they loathe your presence. There is a reason why they say one is the loneliest number. It's because of jackasses like you. People find it vile the way you have to include yourself in social situations. Take a hint, piss off, be the one that loves thine ownself.

2
Duality represents a stranglehold on the way you look at things. You can neither hold an argument nor let one slide. This makes you the focus of any situation as others are often throwing ideas and viewpoints around all in an effort to see how you respond to this internal conflict. You will most likely be able to plead an insanity defence while representing yourself in a court of law.

3
Beginning, middle and end. Often thought of as the perfect number you don't reflect this in any way. Some may suggest that this is due to the perfectionist within, others believe it is due to the amount of hair products you use. People inflicted with the number three often see themselves holding onto the loose ends left in the wake of number nines.

4
In some cultures it is believed that the number four is the unluckiest of all. Cultured or not, you are a loser. You have always felt that sunken feeling one gets when they are pipped at the post. Especially seeing as though no one pips a post these days. You resent all other people who seem to have what you don't, commonsense. History will show you just how serious this issue of being a four is. There is no account of fours, which is the issue here. You fail to make it worth anyone's while. Behind you shall remain.

5
Misplaced and lost in mind, you are the epitome of normalcy. Nothing about you excites anyone; you can't bring anything to a party. People don't mind as they love the fact that they have someone to look down upon. You make everyone else's life seem so much more enriched. Without you, there would be nothing to base failures upon.

6
Of all the numbers, sixes are the most stubborn. This is inherently due to the fact that you are unwilling to listen. No matter how wrong you are, no matter how flawed the facts that base your arguments, you fail to take notice. You don't even like reading about yourself.

7
Luck in life and luck in love falls to those designated a seven. Unfortunately, that is about as far as you can stretch your luck. Every other aspect of your life is in ruins. Financially and socially speaking, you make up the statistics that make a huge portion of the nightly news. Never one to let things get them down you make it an effort to surround yourself with those who seem less happier than yourself. For reasons like this, things couldn't get better; fives make the other half of a great partnership.

8
Circular arguments started by number twos really give you the shits. The oft-quoted phrase of 'you are what you eat' will see you donning clothes tailored to suit you and no one but you. This is indicative of the way you live a life. Everything must be rearranged and altered to fit the eights. You will often try and get in the last word no matter what the situation and circumstance.

9
With threes being seen as the perfect number you believe that you must be three times that. A negative multiplied by a negative by a negative is still a negative. Keeping this in mind you often create events and the like and leave them unfinished hoping a three will come along and clean up your mess. Often constipated you are what many consider the hardest worker around. This is only due to your facade of starting things big and quietly keeping them hidden away thereafter.

Take these personality inflections to heart and live the life you already live. Don't, then you aren't living much in this reality. Perhaps then you are a zero, in which case, the best of luck to you, the rest have been taken.

Originally published in Cogito Volume 7, Number 2, April 2002