Ethan Switch - Wednesday, 16 February 2005
Spluttering and clinging to near death, asking for that caramello flavoured exit from The Alfred Hospital, Maria Korp looks set to take the crown and throne of porcelain as the newest advertising boon. Thanks in large part to the efforts of her possibly soon-to-be-ex-husband, Joe Korp and his mistress in a dress, Tania Herman, the womping and wafting of Mrs. Korp a little too early may affect her future rank in the standings.
With her lead in the rankings now so close to that of dynamically rigid Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, all that is needed is a certificate of death and an overpass will be for her and the internet dating/swingers site so mentioned in all news reports.
Found unconscious in the boot of her car, the 50-year-old needs one more failure to ensure the backing party of her appearance will scorch along the bitumen. Tough task as months were spent over the photos of the two Manchester United football fans, Chapman and Wells. Their deathly connected sponsor doing much to gain stakes in the ever bitter and butter tasting fast field of mobile telecommunications.
If the case and attention over Maria Korp's corpse is an indication of the new trend in marketing, it may very well spark a renewed trough for online gambling houses and casinos. Cash big now!
With death we advertise life.