The Wax Conspiracy

Hey Mister, You're On Fire Mister!

Peak Hour on the Cityrail network is hectic at best. Yesterday in the sweltering city of Sydney, at approximately 1600hrs, an advertising blitz was carried out. Undercover agents infiltrated various train carriages at a time when the passengers were at their most helpless. In one instance a woman with her kids held crumpled and used burger wrappers from a global chain who constantly boast of the cattle they've slaughtered.

This tactic is most reminiscent of the commercial in which a gaunt man—no doubt on a diet of fast food baked fresh with cardboard—holds a used wrapper next to a car's airconditioner. In a climate of heat and no air, it seemed like the burger chain was bringing to the mashed masses a scene from television land.

In the next, a man and his female friend, walk into another carriage with a pizza box. The aroma filled the car as it was stalled conveniently on the train tracks between Town Hall and Central stations for what seemed like 30 minutes. In collusion with this couple a man in the lower decks held a box of cola cans labelled with the competitor's whore master.

These seemingly unrelated events happened shortly after sections of the state were ravaged by fierce bush fires. That time of the year again. The fires caused major delays to the network and also saw the trains getting a sardined look. With cars already full to capacity platform waiters jammed themselves in even tighter. Masses of meat fleshed together. To prove to some that the fires were real and that the delays were not some elaborate prank, several stations wired talkback radio over the PA system.

In another case a woman was holding a wonderful bouquet of red roses. But Red Nose Day isn't until March 14, 2003. Advertising bungle all the way.

So it would seem that the big three fast food chains were behind the bush fires. All in an attempt to trial an experimental advertising method.

Ethan Switch

Written on Thursday, 5 December 2002

The Wax Conspiracy



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